Montgomery County’s Withdrawal from “MOSA” Spells Disaster for Regional Acronym

Because of Montgomery County’s go-it-alone attitude when it comes to solid waste removal, the Montgomery Otsego Schoharie Authority (MOSA) could cease to exist by 2014, less than six years from now. Luckily, the Schoharie County Board of Supervisors has begun soberly contemplating the implications of such a move. By far, the biggest concern of Supervisors is that without Montgomery County’s membership in the regional solid waste removal authority, it couldn’t rightfully be called “MOSA” (pronounced Moe-zuh).

Lacking the critical “M”, the authority now would be known as “OSA”. While OSA is certainly a memorable acronym, it clearly doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as mellifluously as MOSA does. Several supervisors mentioned the possibility of pronouncing it “O-S-A”, rather than as one word. But that drew complaints as sounding too non-distinctive and bureaucratic. I agree.

While the withdrawal of Montgomery County would be disastrous enough, there are also reports that Otsego County may follow suit. This would spell irreparable damage for the “MOSA” acronym. Without the “M” and “O” of Montgomery and Otsego counties respectively, MOSA would become “SA”, which can scarcely be considered an acronym! It’s only two letters, and its hard to see how they could be fashioned into a word that flows off the tongue as gracefully as “MOSA”.

I don’t know about Montgomery County and Otsego County, but I like to think that us folks in Schoharie County appreciate a good acronym when we see one. To Montgomery County officials opposed to renewing MOSA, I say, the next time you utter the word “MOSA”, know that it is the sweet sound of regional partnership and people working together. Montgomery County’s membership in “MOSA” is simply irreplaceable.

No really, I checked a map for counties that border Schoharie and there are no others that start with “M”.

Marauding Horde of Bikers Hurt and Insulted by Small Town’s Reaction

Hurt feelings and bruised egos were the general response after this year’s AM-JAM motorcycle festival in Cobleskill, NY. The group’s reception was so unfavorable that the head of the American Motorcycle Jamboree (known as AM-JAM) threatened to consider alternative locations for 2009 if Village officials didn’t get their act together. AM-JAM cited shortages of methamphetamines, women to rape and gunplay involving automatic weapons as some of their major complaints. They then pointed to the presence of law enforcement officers, something they found to be outrageous and unacceptable. The lack of opportunities for criminal activities combined with the police presence left the normally hard-living, nomadic bikers feeling unwanted, unwelcome and emotionally drained.

One biker, going by the name of “Bonebreaker”, had been planning a fun-filled weekend of violent gunplay and armed robbery for nearly six months, but was unable to get his multiple assault rifles past a State Trooper checkpoint.

The indignities continued, such as when “Lone Wolf” arrived late, only to find that there was no speed left, and that he would have to rely on cheap beer to get a buzz. Lone Wolf couldn’t help but wonder how many mobile meth labs were scared away by Cobleskill’s police- state atmosphere.

Many Am-Jammers were shocked and disappointed by the Village’s newly instituted policy of charging fairgrounds users for municipal water usage. This forced AM-JAM to cut in half the number of wet t-shirt contests they were able to hold. This in turn left the biker gangs with fewer local high school girls to pass around.

Many bikers sat and reminisced about AM-JAM’s of the past. One biker, “Hambone”, remembers the way things used to be in Cobleskill. In fact, he received his first tear-drop tattoo at AM-JAM thirty years ago after committing his first homicide. But this year Hambone was crying real tears when he saw what AM-JAM had become.

The tales of woe just go on and on: confiscated knives, interrupted rapes, dirty looks for urinating in public, etc. Hambone freely admits that bikers are used to people holding negative stereotypes about them, but then pauses to wipe a tear from his eye and say’s “that doesn’t mean we have to like it”.

Editorial: Wind Turbines could Spoil Views of Drilling Rigs

At first I was a supporter of wind power in Schoharie County, New York. However, after finding out that Schoharie County might soon be home to breathtakingly stunning views of natural gas drilling rigs including large derricks, pumping and drilling equipment and storage tanks, I’ve realized that we can not jeopardize these precious environmental assets by erecting wind turbines. I’ve seen natural gas drilling fields before, and believe me, nothing recharges the soul like the fresh air that wafts off a ‘drilling mud’ pit.

You might think that we could do both, but you’d be wrong. Natural gas drilling simply can not exist side by side with wind power. Wind turbines are often two or three times as tall as the drilling rigs that majestically ‘fracture’ underground rock formations flaring gasses into the atmosphere and leaking heavy metals into the groundwater. These busy little derricks would be dwarfed by the monstrous wind turbines. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anything getting in the way of my views of drilling platforms and bermed pools of toxic mud waste. That’s just not why I came to Schoharie County.

But wind turbine development could also pose other more serious environmental threats to natural gas drilling operations. For example, natural gas drilling requires the use of high-pressure ‘fracturing fluids’ such as diesel, acids and heavy metals. These fluids may enter into groundwater used for drinking and bathing. How can I enjoy sitting out on my back porch looking out at a natural gas derrick, sipping water contaminated with acids and heavy metals when there are giant wind turbines off in the distance to distract me?

Then there’s the air quality issue. Natural gas drilling inevitably results in the release of numerous toxic chemicals into the atmosphere such as hydrogen sulfides, nitrogen oxides, heavy metals, and sulfur dioxides. In areas with heavy natural gas drilling, these pollutants can result in ozone levels well beyond the danger threshold level of 50-60 parts per billion. In other words, it creates pretty smog. It may be possible that with this level of smog, we might not be able to see the wind turbines, but what if we can, and what if they take away from the pretty sunsets?

Clearly, wind turbines are not the “green” solution that their supporters claim they are. In my opinion, Schoharie County simply can not afford to build wind turbines when of our best assets is the natural landscape, which will soon be enhanced by drilling rigs, derricks, diesel-flavored groundwater and exotic multi-colored smog.

Big Box Retailer Cancels New Store Plans: Say’s Town Not worth Destroying

After years of driving smaller competitors out of business and leaving downtown business districts unviable, the retail giant Lowe’s has recently noticed a new phenomenon that threatens to suck the joy out of their economic success.

For years the retailer watched triumphantly as its aggressive advertising and sheer size caused mom & pop businesses to lose everything and main streets to dry up. However, in recent years the retailer has found itself face to face with perhaps its biggest challenge yet: small towns so defunct and pathetic that they aren't even worth ruining.

Recently, Lowe’s officials came to Cobleskill, NY and toured the Downtown area. After seeing numerous empty storefronts, hollowed-out buildings and boarded-up windows, Lowe’s officials simply came to the conclusion that there probably wasn’t very much left that they could do to Cobleskill.

For three years, Lowe’s officials watched with disgust and pity as Cobleskill Village officials withheld water and sewer services in the futile hope of sparing their pathetic little town from being economically raped and pillaged. Lowe’s officials admitted that at first they got a sadistic pleasure out of watching the Village put up a pointless fight for its survival. But as any bully knows, you can only mercilessly pummel a victim for so long until you just begin to feel bad for them.

After three years of studying the matter, Lowe’s simply came to the conclusion that Cobleskill was just so weak, helpless and pathetic that it took all the fun out of ruining what’s left of the local economy.

Aliens, Men who Shot JFK ask Village to Reinstate Water Fluoridation

A top-secret delegation consisting of extra-terrestrials as well as the men responsible for the Kennedy assassination arrived in Cobleskill, NY this week for a top-secret parlay with Cobleskill Village officials. The delegation made the long trip from their base at Area 51 in a sleek and silent black helicopter. Once in town, the group attempted to convince the Village Board to reinstate fluoridation of the Village water supply.

Brushing aside reports alleging negative health effects, the group forcefully explained that water fluoridation was crucial to implementing the “new world order” in a timely manner. Several village officials protested, claiming that fluoridation is an unnecessary practice with few public health benefits. The delegation quickly shot back, explaining that fluoride was necessary to lower IQs and keep the public docile during construction of the NAFTA Superhighway between the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

However, after nearly three hours of debating with what they called a “do-nothing” Village Board, the delegation walked out extremely frustrated, leaving plans for future world domination in the air. Adding insult to injury, the group said that it was no longer considering Cobleskill as a potential site for faking future Moon landings.

Local Slobs Ignore Community ‘Clean-up Day” in Cobleskill

This Earth Day, the Village of Cobleskill saw a host of events related to green activities and green awareness. One such event was a community-wide “clean-up” in Cobleskill where participants spread out and cover the Village gathering up litter and debris. Nearly every year, events like these help to foster civic pride, community awareness and an ecologically responsible lifestyle.

However, for a group who describe themselves as “cleanliness-challenged”, this Earth Day’s Clean-up was nothing but a big waste of time. One young man, who can often be seen carousing around Veterans Park bare-chested and smoking cigarettes, say’s he doesn’t care if he sees people picking up garbage; he will continue to litter anyway. Several others with stain-covered clothes and uncombed hair looked bewildered as groups of citizens of all ages stuffed litter into giant bags throughout the day. One wondered, “why would they be doing all this when they could be sitting around, watching TV, and dropping crumbs on themselves”?

Another baffled resident looked on from her apartment, where dishes were piled in the sink and personal belongings were strewn chaotically on the floor. Why bother to clean up she wondered, when its so easy just to ignore the messiness and clutter and put off cleaning up?

She offered her opinion of the motives of the people involved in the clean-up. “They’re probably a bunch of neurotic neat freaks obsessed with cleanliness and order”, she said.

Others interviewed expressed sympathy for the participants but said they didn’t have the time to get involved in such a clean-up, maintaining that eventually they would get around to it.

Most of the people interviewed confessed to being “slobs” and said that “clean-ups” weren’t really there thing. However, they all insisted that they would like to get involved in the community in other ways, as long as they didn’t conflict with their chosen lifestyle.

Cobleskill in the Midst of a Pre-Teen Crime Wave

Last Sunday, Schoharie County residents were inconvenienced by a house fire on the corner of Main and North streets in the Village of Cobleskill. Traffic was redirected and a thick choking cloud of smoke hung over the business district and other parts of Downtown. But the truly disturbing issue was not the inconvenience, but the fact that the fire was apparently deliberately started by an 11-year old girl. So young.. and already a depraved arsonist! The young girl, in a display of maniacal abandon is alleged to have caused the hellish conflagration by setting fire to a couch with a cigarette lighter. Fortunately for the other residents of Cobleskill, this pre-teen menace was arrested and charged. Hopefully, the demon child will remain in custody long enough to prevent her from doing any more damage.

If this wasn’t bad enough, a quick glance in this week’s police blotter reveals that a 12 year old male was arrested for “forcible touching”. Now the police blotter entry did not go into any more specific details, but it seems to me like we’ve got a pre-teen boy with a penchant for rape on our hands and I want to know what we’re going to do about it? According to the blotter entry, the individual was released on an appearance ticket. This means that this sexual deviant is on the loose, free to wreak havoc and mayhem on decent people everywhere.

The local law enforcement authorities may need to recalibrate their strategies to account for this new criminal element. They may need to change the way they look at pre-teen children around the ages of 10-12. When these children assemble to loiter in the Downtown business districts of our communities, we can no longer turn a blind eye. We must be on guard against potential arsonists, sexual predators, and any number of other dastardly criminals.

My sincere hope is that the system tries these children as adults. I say, no special circumstances for juvenile offenders! I see no reason why this 11-year old girl shouldn't do hard time for this. Let the little arsonist have a go at general population. And as for the "forcible toucher", how about electroshock therapy? At the very least, he should be thrown in a dark room in some prison basement somewhere until he learns some manners.

Otherwise, what kind of message are we sending to all those potential pre-teen lawbreakers out there?

Struggling War Profiteers Cheer Cuts to Hospitals

A recent move by President Bush to cut spending on hospitals (cutting several million dollars over several years for Cobleskill Regional Hospital) has our nation’s struggling war profiteers rejoicing that they’ve finally received some sense of fairness and justice from this administration.

War profiteers who delicately manufactured the bogus pretense for going to war in Iraq were worried that money spent on healthcare and hospitals would take away from their hard-earned war profits in the form of high taxes.

Instead, President Bush has said no to greedy hospitals who want to take your tax dollars and spend it on improving the quality of the care they provide people.

For decades, executives of companies that manufacture weapons systems and that contract with the armed services, have struggled to maintain a standard of living comparable to other wealthy individuals. However, misplaced fiscal priorities in Washington have depressed their bloated salaries through excessive taxation and regulations.

Currently, only 54% of the US budget is spent on the military. But by cutting spending on health care and hospitals, that number could easily be brought up to around 56 or 57%. This might not be felt so much by the millions of people who benefit from such spending. But it would assuredly be appreciated by the handful of wealthy war profiteers who stand to benefit handsomely.

Don’t think that just because the US has spent over two trillion dollars on the war in Iraq that war profiteers aren’t hurting. Every dollar NOT spent on war is a dollar that could be used to purchase supplies at inflated prices from military contractors, or to invade Iran, or to invest in unneeded weapons systems. Fortunately, it looks like President Bush is beginning to hear the cries of this nation’s leading war profiteers and will offer relief by first trimming down the nation’s outrageously bloated spending on hospitals.

When it Comes to “Discreet Adult Services”, locally grown is Better

With so much recent talk of economic development and Empire Zones, you’d think Schoharie County’s officials would be going after every local dollar being unnecessarily spent elsewhere.

But after a local man was beaten and robbed by a Schenectady man for a debt he owed to a Scotia-based escort service, it is clear that Schoharie County is missing out on a significant economic development opportunity: discrete adult services.

When I saw the story in the Times-Journal last week, I started wondering: how many Schoharie County residents are traveling to Schenectady or Albany to patronize prostitutes and escort services? The answer, I believe: too many!

What Schoharie County economic developers need to do is take out an advertisement in the adult section of Metroland telling Capital District escort services and “massage” parlors all about the benefits of doing business in Schoharie County.

They should do a survey to determine how many Schoharie County residents are currently making the 45-minute haul to the Electric City for a little discrete companionship. My guess is that the County is losing out on a lot of lucrative economic activity.

I’m not suggesting that the County seek to bring prostitutes to the area, in case that’s what you’re thinking. I’m talking about “escort services” and “massage parlors” and these are legitimate businesses, that on occasion offer unadvertised services to customers who aren’t in any way associated with law enforcement.

Think of all the gas that would be saved by not having to drive all the way out to Schenectady, and then not having pimps have to drive all the way out here to beat and rob people who don’t pay!

This could be a win-win situation. I hope Jody Zakrevsky is reading this!

Local Landlord Reduces Carbon Footprint by Cutting Tenant’s Heat

Editors note: In light of the new legislation being proposed by the Village of Cobleskill to increase inspection of rental apartments, we decided to shine a positive light on some of Cobleskill’s model landlords. With each new edition, Slums Along the Mohawk will showcase a Cobleskill Village landlord whose citizenship and vigilance is truly making a difference.

Mark Raymond is the owner of an apartment building on Campus Drive in the Village of Cobleskill. He’s one of the landlords who has questioned the need for increased registration and inspection in the Village of Cobleskill. Raymond has never believed in government regulation and has always felt that the free market was capable of solving problems on its own.

This Winter, Raymond decided to do something to address both the mounting challenge of global climate change and skyrocketing fuel costs. Raymond has voluntarily decided to cut back on the amount of heat his tenants use. As a landlord who pays for his tenant’s utilities including heating costs, Raymond is in a good position to reduce consumption of harmful fossil fuels on his properties. And the best part? This relies on entreprenuerialism, NOT government fiat.

However, if Village officials get their way, daring entrepreneurs willing to think outside the box, such as Raymond would be prevented from trying such new ideas. Instead of being able to make decisions about how best to manage his properties, the new law would effectively place Cobleskill Codes Enforcement officials in charge of these decisions. Raymond asks slyly, “how can I help stop global warming by depriving my tenants of heat during the wintertime with Mike Piccolo breathing down my neck? It’s like their deliberately out to stifle innovation”.

Raymond say’s he’s been watching his tenant’s fuel consumption rise in recent months and decided that their wasteful ways were directly contributing to global warming and rising oil prices. Rather than merely complain, Raymond decided to do something about it. The best part: who’d have guessed that doing what’s right for the environment and the economy would be personally profitable? Mark Raymond, that’s who.

That’s why Raymond is our “Model Landlord” for this issue. Keep up the good work!

Village Officials say Nothing Can be Done to Address “Can’t-Do Attitude”

A recent Times-Journal editorial (1-9-2008) criticized the Cobleskill Village Board for its slowness in implementing the downtown improvements called for in the Hyett-Palma study. The editorial attributed the inaction to a “can’t-do attitude” on the Village Board.

In response, several Village Board members agreed with the assessment but explained after much consideration that there probably wasn’t much they could do to get rid of the “can’t-do attitude”. When asked to elaborate further, Village officials said they were unable to.

However, the Village Board later changed its tone and assured residents and the press that they were confident that they could easily engage in bickering, stonewalling and political stalemate for the foreseeable future.

Central Bridge to Explore “Pay-as-you-Poop” Sewer System

Inspired by a new law being talked about in the Village of Cobleskill that charges residents for garbage pick-up according to how much they throw away (pay-as-you-throw), Central Bridge Sewer District officials have raised the possibility of employing the same principle to resolve the hamlet’s long-standing sewer development challenge.

Instead of simply developing a sewer system and charging sewer district residents a flat rate, this new program would charge sewer district residents on the basis of how much “material” they discharge from their homes. John Crapser of the Central Bridge Sewer District explains how the system would work: “each home in the district would be fitted with a special toilet that weighs the contents of the toilet before every flush. A charge would be assessed to that home based on the monthly weight of outgoing sewage”.

According to supporters, this program provides an incentive for residents to cut down on unnecessary bowel movements, to make alterations to their diets to encourage lighter stools, to use less toilet paper and best of all, to compost their own fecal material. “This will increase the general health of the public AND be beneficial for the environment”, Crapser explained.

However, Joan Hotaling, a 450-pound mother of eight, thinks this plan will unfairly penalize her household. At a public meeting, Hotaling estimated that she defecated on average four times a day and insisted that her stool probably weighed more than that of the average person due to the amount of fat and grease she consumes. Angry and frustrated, Hotaling claimed she would be forced to leave Central Bridge if the community started charging her “by the pound” to process her bowel movements.

At this point, a rather svelte-looking individual stood up and shouted, “good riddance”! “Why should I have to pay so you can shit like an elephant”, he screamed, drawing wild applause from the audience.

A few members in the audience claimed to have already lived in a “pay-as-you-poop” city. They explained how at first it was confusing but after a while they began having bowel movements outdoors in order to fertilize their garden. “Once we started doing it the ‘natural way’ our sewer bill was cut in half”, they explained.

Another potential plan, which also received support, would involve selling residents special bags into which they would defecate and then deposit at the local sewage treatment plant. Whatever plan is chosen, it appears that Central Bridge is tired of the old ways of doing things and is ready to try something new.

Wal-Mart Worries about Aesthetic Impact of Lowe’s Home Improvement Center

“We chose the current Wal-Mart store location over ten years ago because of its natural beauty” say’s Wal-Mart District Manager George Deitz. But now a proposed Lowe’s Home Improvement Center in Cobleskill, NY threatens that very natural beauty. The Lowe’s store will tower over Wal-Mart on a nearby hill, dwarfing the 12-year old big-box store, bathing its newly rehabilitated concrete façade and vast parking lot in a sea of hazy yellow phosphorescent light. This “monstrosity” as Dietz calls it, threatens to darken Wal-Mart with its shadows during the day and blind the store with its lights during the night.

“This suburban sprawl has got to stop” Dietz laments. “When we chose this location, there was nothing here but farms, now there’s car dealerships, gas stations, a Dunkin’ Donuts, and now Lowe’s. It’s like Wal-Mart is being swallowed up by ugly suburban sprawl”.

The real tragedy, according to Dietz, is that Wal-Mart just finished remodeling the interior and exterior of its Cobleskill store. The Wal-Mart exterior just received a major facelift in which its familiar blue and gray was replaced by a more humble and Earthy brown and tan. But Dietz asks, “Who will enjoy looking at Wal-Mart’s exciting new façade when there’s an ugly, behemoth, big-box store looming over it”?

A long-time Wal-Mart employee recounts memories of sitting outside on breaks in the smokers’ shack looking out upon the rolling pastures of the farm just over the hill. “It was just so relaxing, it literally helped to recharge me to go back to work”. But now Wal-Mart employees will look out of their smoking shack and see a dizzying whir of traffic and blinding phosphorescent lights.

A local historic preservation group has issued a scathing critique of the impact that Lowe’s would have on Wal-Mart. They are urging the Town and Village to work together to make sure that the proposed Lowe’s does not adversely impact enjoyment of Wal-Mart’s striking concrete façade.

According to Dietz, “That’s all I’m asking for. We just spent a ton of money painting our entire building brown and tan so that it would be more of a pleasure to look at, and we don’t want to see a Lowe’s come in and spoil that view for everybody”.

Your Official Guide to Illegal Dumping

Are you tired of The Man telling what you can and can’t throw away and what kind of garbage bags to use? Well don’t just shrug your shoulders and toe the line like everyone else. Stand up to The Man and make a statement by illegally dumping your trash around town!

By now you know the problems Cobleskill Village residents have been having lately. You put out a bag of garbage or two expecting it to be gone the next morning, only to see that it’s been torn open, inspected and left behind because it contains cat litter or too many aluminum cans or god knows what. But don’t worry, there’s a solution to this problem: simply leave your trash somewhere else and make it someone else’s problem.

Here’s what you do. Wait until it’s late at night, gather up your trash and take a ride on down to town. Drive slowly down one of the side streets (Division, Union, etc.). When you are certain that nobody is watching you, have someone quickly throw the bags out the back door of the car and then drive off.

However, if you’re too shy to dump your trash Downtown, you can always find a secluded area somewhere. Some good places that come to mind include the area by the railroad tracks by the fairgrounds, or at the end of one of the side streets off MacArthur Ave. I would suggest simply leaving your garbage anywhere on the street. However, putting the garbage in a business’s private dumpster is fine too. Some dumpsters may have locks, but most don’t. Be discrete if you choose this option. Make sure to keep your bag out of the view of the business proprietors in case they happen to be watching.

Of course you’ll want to make sure that there is no incriminating evidence in the garbage bags such as any mail with your name or address on it.

By now you’re probably wondering: “okay that explains what to do with the bagged garbage, but what about that old TV or air conditioner that the garbage men didn’t take”?

Well, this is easy. Simply bring the bulk item in question to one of the county’s many unofficial garbage dumps off rural roads. These areas are not “official” dumps but they have nonetheless been used as dumps by residents for decades. Find a desolate rural road, preferably at the top of a ravine; this way when you dump the stuff it will at least fall out of view somewhat. It’s probably better to find a location that has already been used as a dump, this way it will attract less attention to your specific garbage. However, feel free to start a new dump if you want.

Certain specific items lend themselves well to particular methods of disposal and you should keep these in mind. For example, old tires can simply be rolled down any hill. Old computers and other electronic equipment can simply be dropped off at a local repair business. Just give them a fake name and phone number and never come back for it. It’s their problem now! You should be able to use this method for large appliances as well. For the financially savvy illegal dumpers, it may be possible to pawn off certain items on the local charity/thrift store. Old mattresses, couches, refrigerators and washing machines can simply be donated (on the pretense that they work and are salable, of course) for a potential tax credit. However, let’s not put the cart before the horse. For the time being, simply focus on getting rid of your garbage and not getting caught.

So there you have it. You no longer need to stand idly by and watch the garbage men tear apart and rifle through your family’s garbage. This is just one more way for The Man to break your spirit and run you down. Now YOU can choose your garbage’s destiny. Dumping our refuse whenever and wherever we please is our god-given right as Americans!

Black Helicopters Spotted Over Cobleskill After Fluoride Decision

The Village of Cobleskill recently voted to remove fluoride from its public water system. The move is undoubtedly seen as a major threat to the shadow government who has for the past hundred or so years depended on public water fluoridation to keep us all in a nearly-catatonic state of unquestioning slavery. The use of fluoride for mind control has been a proven success. Fluoride is a toxic substance that builds up in the brain and eventually turns us into mind-numbed robots whose only purpose is to buy big cars and watch reality TV as the illuminatis, bilderbergers and freemasons build a NAFTA super-highway to overrun our country with lead-filled toys built by chi-coms. Let the back helicopters come to Cobleskill. I'll be ready, and I have guns!

Parks Should Be a Haven for Substance Abusers

Just to let readers know, I'm from NYC where people know what a "real" public park is supposed to be like.

On any given night in Central Park, one might encounter crazed teens out for a fun evening of wilding, drug addicts merrily shooting black tar heroin, homeless people resting peacefully, or psycho killers hard at work picking out their next victim. Anyone who enters a public park is sure to run a fun-filled gauntlet complete with any number of unimaginable horrors. This my friend, is what a real public park is supposed to be like.

Now I know Cobleskill is a small town, where homeless people and drug users are harder to come by, but I've walked through Veterans Park on numerous occasions without even witnessing so much as one violent rape, one urinating vagrant, or even one used syringe. You call this a park?

As if the problem's not bad enough, now the Village of Cobleskill wants to ban smoking in the park on behalf of some idiotic group of do-gooders. What do they want to do, suck every last bit of vice they can out of this place? The Village is moving in the wrong direction completely. Instead of banning smoking, I propose that the Village sends recruiters down to Central Park and rounds up a group of say 50-100 homeless people and drug addicts, and transplants them in Cobleskill's Veterans Park. I say the people of Cobleskill have been deprived for too long of having an authentic big-city park experience.

This Just In: Wind Power Opponents Run Out of Wind-related Puns, Abandon Cause and Go Home

“When we first heard about the proposed wind turbines in Schoharie County we were outraged and immediately mobilized to fight against them” say’s Joe Blow of Against the Wind, a non-profit (5019(C) status pending) organization dedicated to fighting proposed wind power developments. A few weeks later, Will Gust, a life-long resident of Richmondville founded a weekly newsletter entitling it: “Clearing the Air”. The newsletter was designed to debunk the supposedly “green” nature of wind power.

Excited by the prospect of taking up a cause with such potential for clever headlines and sloganeering, the wind power opponents scoured the internet in search of evidence showing the deadly hazards of wind turbines. Apparently somewhere a wind turbine caught on fire spewing toxic fumes and lubricants into the atmosphere. As far as the wind power opponents knew, no innocent coal-fired generating plant or nuclear plant ever had such a mishap with such disastrous consequences.

And on the litany of charges went. One angry letter writer even suggested that the ultra-low frequency noise generated by wind turbines was responsible for causing coronary diseases. However, it would be unfair not to point out that in these cases, the possibility that these low frequency noises were generated by the activities of extra-terrestrials, paranormal hauntings, or top-secret governmental weather-controlling experiments could not be ruled out.

Soon however, these wind power opponents so filled with fury began to notice a decline in the number of catchy puns to serve as banners and slogans for their crusade. “I felt like somebody was taking the wind out of our sails” explains a once enthusiastic Joe Blow. “I searched and searched for potential wind puns, metaphors, idioms, double entendre and any and all manner of wordplay devices, but there was nothing left” claimed Will Gust. Finally, when one opponent, groping desperately for a wind-related pun, simply said “ahh, just blow me” to an audience of environmental scientists, energy policy specialists and engineers, they were a little less than “blown away” by the logic of his argument.

And so the crusade to fight against wind power development in Schoharie County petered out as its most vehement members failed to find the creative wordplay required to disguise a movement that simply has little more to offer than empty bluster and hot air.