Thursday, July 3, 2008

Marauding Horde of Bikers Hurt and Insulted by Small Town’s Reaction

Hurt feelings and bruised egos were the general response after this year’s AM-JAM motorcycle festival in Cobleskill, NY. The group’s reception was so unfavorable that the head of the American Motorcycle Jamboree (known as AM-JAM) threatened to consider alternative locations for 2009 if Village officials didn’t get their act together. AM-JAM cited shortages of methamphetamines, women to rape and gunplay involving automatic weapons as some of their major complaints. They then pointed to the presence of law enforcement officers, something they found to be outrageous and unacceptable. The lack of opportunities for criminal activities combined with the police presence left the normally hard-living, nomadic bikers feeling unwanted, unwelcome and emotionally drained.

One biker, going by the name of “Bonebreaker”, had been planning a fun-filled weekend of violent gunplay and armed robbery for nearly six months, but was unable to get his multiple assault rifles past a State Trooper checkpoint.

The indignities continued, such as when “Lone Wolf” arrived late, only to find that there was no speed left, and that he would have to rely on cheap beer to get a buzz. Lone Wolf couldn’t help but wonder how many mobile meth labs were scared away by Cobleskill’s police- state atmosphere.

Many Am-Jammers were shocked and disappointed by the Village’s newly instituted policy of charging fairgrounds users for municipal water usage. This forced AM-JAM to cut in half the number of wet t-shirt contests they were able to hold. This in turn left the biker gangs with fewer local high school girls to pass around.

Many bikers sat and reminisced about AM-JAM’s of the past. One biker, “Hambone”, remembers the way things used to be in Cobleskill. In fact, he received his first tear-drop tattoo at AM-JAM thirty years ago after committing his first homicide. But this year Hambone was crying real tears when he saw what AM-JAM had become.

The tales of woe just go on and on: confiscated knives, interrupted rapes, dirty looks for urinating in public, etc. Hambone freely admits that bikers are used to people holding negative stereotypes about them, but then pauses to wipe a tear from his eye and say’s “that doesn’t mean we have to like it”.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dour tree hugging Kevin gives way to Carlin funny Seth. More evidence that this blog is written by multiple authors. I like Seth better. There is enough gloom and doom in the MSM. Kevin should leave town like lowe's did along w Vinny "Ace is the place" Cardone. Though Vinny might have to leave for different reasons.

Anonymous said...

You're asinine post has been forwarded to the "biker community."

Anonymous said...

Now that Narcissist Niles is moving to the "Limousine Liberal" mecca of Portland who will take up the standard? Pedantic Peimer is waiting in the wings. His recent rants in the TJ certainly qualify him as a capable replacement. One more in a line of lefties that our High school has pumped out. To think that little Cobleskill could spawn such raw local talent. My guess is Niles was Kevin.

Anonymous said...

Why Cobleskill anyway, any backround as to the monumental decission to host this champion event. Where the intermediate forefathers of this town gang members. What aspect of the economy does this event exactly stimulate. Let's see, the smokes store will profit, as will the liquors. I wonder what the OT in police coverage is for this event.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of "confiscated knives, interrupted rapes, dirty looks for urinating in public" ----the Town and village consolidation report is up on the village web site.

Anonymous said...

If they should leave I vote that they be replaced with a tentful of schoharie welfare recepients. Instead of bike flags being foisted we could fashion a welfare flag. It could be a picture of 2 300 pound parents drinking a 30 ouncer on a porch replica of West Main and Spring street house.Instead of the village going after the sales tax we should be targeting welfare check cashing. Bikers couldn't hold a candle to a 30 year old welfare mom with 6 kids when it comes to buying 30 packs. And we could replace the hot dog vendor with a "butt" vendor. He could provide the under 13 kids with all the "roll your own" paraphenalia. The Union Street lefties would love it (they created it) as long as the rift raft didn't sully their "tea House".

Anonymous said...

Actually, the "Carnies" who work the Sunshine Fair are more likely to rape, steal and stab than the "Bikers."

RITA said...

I work for Vince and he has done nothing wrong. Some of my co-workers are upset about there FREE insurance. He has paid out of pocket alot of money to cover there medical and they should shut there mouths or find another job who will give FREE insurance.

Anonymous said...

Very good Rita, all these clowns like to judge and gossip based on their limited knowledge of facts and rely solely on hearsay. I think there are many jealous people in that town, I know that first hand. If you are prosperous and hard working 95% of Cobleskill dislikes you. And if your name is foreign sounding, forget about it. But at least those same folks go to church on Sunday to cleanse themselves and feel good about the upcoming week. HYPOCRITES

Anonymous said...

Anonymous to lovely rita mita maid,

Cardone is not foreign sounding.

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His recent rants in the TJ certainly qualify him as a capable replacement.