Thursday, July 3, 2008

Big Box Retailer Cancels New Store Plans: Say’s Town Not worth Destroying

After years of driving smaller competitors out of business and leaving downtown business districts unviable, the retail giant Lowe’s has recently noticed a new phenomenon that threatens to suck the joy out of their economic success.

For years the retailer watched triumphantly as its aggressive advertising and sheer size caused mom & pop businesses to lose everything and main streets to dry up. However, in recent years the retailer has found itself face to face with perhaps its biggest challenge yet: small towns so defunct and pathetic that they aren't even worth ruining.

Recently, Lowe’s officials came to Cobleskill, NY and toured the Downtown area. After seeing numerous empty storefronts, hollowed-out buildings and boarded-up windows, Lowe’s officials simply came to the conclusion that there probably wasn’t very much left that they could do to Cobleskill.

For three years, Lowe’s officials watched with disgust and pity as Cobleskill Village officials withheld water and sewer services in the futile hope of sparing their pathetic little town from being economically raped and pillaged. Lowe’s officials admitted that at first they got a sadistic pleasure out of watching the Village put up a pointless fight for its survival. But as any bully knows, you can only mercilessly pummel a victim for so long until you just begin to feel bad for them.

After three years of studying the matter, Lowe’s simply came to the conclusion that Cobleskill was just so weak, helpless and pathetic that it took all the fun out of ruining what’s left of the local economy.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

what does no comments mean here?

Anonymous said...

It means that the original post was "so weak, helpless and pathetic..." that it was not worthy of comment.

Sean said...

...or that it so perfectly and sublimely captured the essence of the situation that nothing further needed to be said?

Either way, I appreciate the fact that you read, critiqued, quoted and commented on a post that you deemed "not worthy of comment".

Sean said...

For future reference, when you want to make the point that something is "not worthy of comment", it helps to actually NOT COMMENT ON IT!

Otherwise, you end up merely amusing and entertaining those you wish to insult.

Sean said...

By the way, your comment wasn't really worth commenting on, but oh well...

Anonymous said...

Sean, your comments are SO very predictable...LOL...
Poor little guy...did I hurt your feelings??? I am so not sorry.
To use your reasoning: I did not comment on your post, only on the first "anonymous comment" TO your post...
this is laughable...ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

You actually roll around on the floor?!?!...Hey! So that's what makes you SO "dizz"y. :P :P :P

Anonymous said...

The water park is comming who needs Lowes, oh, wait, water park implies that they will need water, will Coby provide them water or will they have to work for it. what kind of traffic patterns will something like that cause to our lovely rural countryside? who really stands to benefit? Galaso will sell them stone and cement, but there may be some prosperity all around, unless the cost of fuel curtails driving by many to such an attraction. we shall see.

Anonymous said...

There's only one "m" in "coming."

Anonymous said...

"Something Wicked this way comes".

Anonymous said...

oh...you mean there is no spell check on this blog. my misspelings tend to keep idiots occupied so i am providing a service don't you think.