Howe Caverns Sabotages Tourism Promotion Program

At a recent county budget hearing, representatives of Howe Caverns criticized county funding of the Schoharie County Chamber of Commerce’s tourism promotion program. Howe Caverns sales director Sascha McRae was quoted as saying “the Schoharie County Chamber of Commerce has quite simply lost their way”. McRae threatened to withdraw Howe Caverns from the Chamber’s “I Love NY” matching funds program.

McRae and others claimed that they were unhappy with the way the Chamber has been handling issues recently. However, it is clear what is really going on: Howe Caverns’ new ownership is seeking to sabotage efforts to promote the Caverns.

Why would Howe Caverns want to sabotage itself? The answer is simple. Last year, the world-famous tourist site was purchased by Emil Galasso, President of Cobleskill Stone Products. This company owns most of the land surrounding Howe Caverns and operates a large-scale quarry on this very land. Within the caverns is something more valuable than a tourist attraction. The caves are filled with extremely valuable pharmaceutical-grade limestone.

Galasso has pledged to run Howe Caverns as a tourist site for at least ten years. However, if for some reason the cave tours are unprofitable, Galasso can begin making a case for closing down the cave to tours and opening them up to mining. What better way to begin laying the groundwork for making the case that the tours are unprofitable than to sabotage efforts to promote the caverns? At this rate, Galasso will be blasting away at that mountain before those ten years are up.

Your Official Guide to Illegal Dumping

Are you tired of The Man telling what you can and can’t throw away and what kind of garbage bags to use? Well don’t just shrug your shoulders and toe the line like everyone else. Stand up to The Man and make a statement by illegally dumping your trash around town!

By now you know the problems Cobleskill Village residents have been having lately. You put out a bag of garbage or two expecting it to be gone the next morning, only to see that it’s been torn open, inspected and left behind because it contains cat litter or too many aluminum cans or god knows what. But don’t worry, there’s a solution to this problem: simply leave your trash somewhere else and make it someone else’s problem.

Here’s what you do. Wait until it’s late at night, gather up your trash and take a ride on down to town. Drive slowly down one of the side streets (Division, Union, etc.). When you are certain that nobody is watching you, have someone quickly throw the bags out the back door of the car and then drive off.

However, if you’re too shy to dump your trash Downtown, you can always find a secluded area somewhere. Some good places that come to mind include the area by the railroad tracks by the fairgrounds, or at the end of one of the side streets off MacArthur Ave. I would suggest simply leaving your garbage anywhere on the street. However, putting the garbage in a business’s private dumpster is fine too. Some dumpsters may have locks, but most don’t. Be discrete if you choose this option. Make sure to keep your bag out of the view of the business proprietors in case they happen to be watching.

Of course you’ll want to make sure that there is no incriminating evidence in the garbage bags such as any mail with your name or address on it.

By now you’re probably wondering: “okay that explains what to do with the bagged garbage, but what about that old TV or air conditioner that the garbage men didn’t take”?

Well, this is easy. Simply bring the bulk item in question to one of the county’s many unofficial garbage dumps off rural roads. These areas are not “official” dumps but they have nonetheless been used as dumps by residents for decades. Find a desolate rural road, preferably at the top of a ravine; this way when you dump the stuff it will at least fall out of view somewhat. It’s probably better to find a location that has already been used as a dump, this way it will attract less attention to your specific garbage. However, feel free to start a new dump if you want.

Certain specific items lend themselves well to particular methods of disposal and you should keep these in mind. For example, old tires can simply be rolled down any hill. Old computers and other electronic equipment can simply be dropped off at a local repair business. Just give them a fake name and phone number and never come back for it. It’s their problem now! You should be able to use this method for large appliances as well. For the financially savvy illegal dumpers, it may be possible to pawn off certain items on the local charity/thrift store. Old mattresses, couches, refrigerators and washing machines can simply be donated (on the pretense that they work and are salable, of course) for a potential tax credit. However, let’s not put the cart before the horse. For the time being, simply focus on getting rid of your garbage and not getting caught.

So there you have it. You no longer need to stand idly by and watch the garbage men tear apart and rifle through your family’s garbage. This is just one more way for The Man to break your spirit and run you down. Now YOU can choose your garbage’s destiny. Dumping our refuse whenever and wherever we please is our god-given right as Americans!

Cobleskill is for Swingers!

Those Schenectady swinger soirees are back in the news again. In case you haven’t heard about this, there is a bed-and-breakfast in Schenectady that for several years has been hosting sex parties for local swingers. When local residents first got wind of what was going on, they complained to the City and attempted get the parties shut down. However, to the dismay of local residents, the City of Schenectady has been unable to stop the parties because the people hosting them aren’t actually doing anything illegal. Well duh!

As I was reading about these parties in Schenectady, I began wondering how something like this might go over here in Cobleskill. After some serious consideration, I believe these swinger parties would really liven up the area and contribute a lot to the local social scene. Admittedly, I’m not big into the whole swinger scene myself, but I think swinger parties could be a major draw to the local area. You may scoff, but I seriously think I’m on to something here. We could be talking about a major marketing ploy. If we played our cards right, we could draw sex swingers from throughout Northeast New York and transform Cobleskill into a world-class swingers paradise.

The State of Virgina markets itself similarly (Virginia is for Lovers). We could take it a step further and proclaim that Cobleskill is for Swingers! Every town needs a gimmick if it is to attract tourists. Cooperstown has baseball, Saratoga Springs has horse racing, why can’t Cobleskill have swinger parties? Local bed-and-breakfast owners could start getting the ball rolling right away by advertising in the adult section of Metroland and on the internet. This could be the answer to Schoharie County’s economic development problems. C’mon people, let’s make it happen!

What is Camp Cass and Why do People Want to Keep it Closed?

This was the question that burned in my mind after a recent road trip through southeastern Albany County. A little research on the subject revealed Camp Cass to be a residential rehabilitative center for delinquent youth run by the NYS Office of Children and Family Services. Apparently, residents in the Rensselaerville area of Albany County were alarmed because a student escaped the facility, robbed an elderly couple and took off with their car. My response: so what?

Am I the only one who can appreciate the irony of this? Rural communities have long benefited (almost parasitically) from the location of prisons and the jobs they provide in the local economy. Is it any surprise that mostly white rural Republicans take such a tough stance on law and order issues?

I had to laugh when I read about the teenager who broke out, robbed an elderly couple and stole their car. What do you expect? Rural conservatives have benefited from crime and punishment for far too long. Crimes are committed in inner cities and then the criminals are convicted and sent to rural prisons which provide jobs and economic stimulus to local economies that thrive on incarceration. It’s about time that these rural areas had to start experiencing the negatives associated with the prison-industrial complex that they have so richly benefited from.

If you ask me, Camp Cass should be open for business with no input from the local residents whatsoever. Rural conservatives should not be allowed to bury their heads in the sand and ignore the consequences of the tough-on-crime policies that they so vehemently support. To residents near Camp Cass, I say, start fitting your windows for bars and look into getting a guard dog, because it’s time for your just dessert.